Tuesday, August 07, 2007

First Day of School

I have been looking forward to this day for three years now, or so I thought. I have been telling Courtney all summer that she would be starting preschool in the fall. She always thought it was a wonderful idea, until it got closer to starting. She kept telling me how she couldn't go to school without me because, "I just love you and will miss you too much." At that time, that didn't even melt my heart.

I continued with my, "you will go to school whether you want to or not." Over the past few weeks, we have had many days of constant whining and crying whenever she thought about school. When school day came, she cried all morning and everything I did was a fight. She even threw her backpack in the trash thinking that if she didn't have her backpack, she wouldn't have to go.

I had big plans for
my hour and a half that she would be gone. I was going to call a friend and make cards. I was going to have some "me" time. I brought her to school, despite her constant protests. All of the other kids were fine. No one was crying and wanting their mom to stay. They were all looking at my little girl, wondering what was wrong with her. After hanging up her backpack and playing blocks for a few minutes, she was still upset. and playing blocks for a few minutes, she was still upset. The teacher said it was time to clean up and for a second she stopped crying to clean(you must know that my child is quite OCD about things being put away and in their place)! I looked at the teacher and asked if they were going to call if she couldn't stop crying or what the procedure was. She told me that generally they didn't because the child would end up being fine. At this point, tears welled up in my eyes. How could I leave my baby in this place that she did not want to be in? What a terrible mother. I wanted her to go to school so badly that I didn't care what she wanted. Surprisingly, she saw that all of the kids had to pick a spot on the mat and told me that she would be ok and that she needed to find a spot before there wasn't one left. I walked out the door and started to cry. Instead of doing anything while she was gone, I sat there wondering if she was ok or if she would hate me forever for leaving her. With 15 minutes until school was supposed to be out, I couldn't take it and picked her up. In my defense, there were lots of other parents there to pick their child up early too. Courtney ran to me and said that she had lots of fun. Her teacher said she never cried again. She can't wait to go back tomorrow because, "you just pick me up, huh mom." Now hopefully I can get some things done while she is gone, knowing that she is having a great time.